Guest Post: Why Depression Doesn't Own Me

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

My precious friend wrote this on her blog this morning and she graciously extended me permission to share her words with you. I think that many of us can identify with her sentiments-- I know that even though I've been feeling some excitement and anticipation this month, it's been counterbalanced with tears that creep up out of nowhere and spill down my cheeks. I've been praying through them and asking the Lord to collect my tears as prayers for so many of my friends who are struggling during this season. Without anymore drivel from me, here are Leanna's beautiful words:

Why Depression Doesn't Own Me

I decided to add this onto my Master’s Commission blog… although, this has nothing to do with what we’ve done or what we’re doing; being here has helped me see the reality of the walls in my mind. I won’t share all those walls but let me be a little real with you, please.

Depression. For weeks now I’ve fallen into depression… and it led me to complacency. Being content with being depressed and stuck with not moving forward. I believe it’s okay to stay there sometimes… as long as you have community to always be there to listen to you blab and run your mouth for at least an hour a day and ask those hard questions. Side note: I am thankful for those people… you know who you are. It seems as if depression will always be something I struggle with. And that’s okay. When I said, it’s okay to stay in that place sometimes… it’s because I believe God is doing something in that area we don’t fully know about. This is why community is important, because after days of prayer and reading and digging deeper into God’s word and His love, I found He has created something new within me. A friend of mine told me: “this is a whole different puzzle you are building, and be thankful for this season of questions that cause your depression, because it is a new puzzle piece you’re just trying to fit together. So rejoice!” It reminds me of when someone told me I have a gift of restoration (not a gift in the bible, but a gift that’s been given through heart break and loss) because I am being restored. God has taken this broken, darkened thing and given me life again. A new puzzle to put together, and not like the one where the pieces just couldn’t fit.

Depression. It’s when I can’t get out of my own head. It’s where I get stuck. Where everything I think about has deeper and meaningful thoughts and questions out of nowhere begin to rise. Questions that tell me I have some rooted problems and I don’t know how to fix them. It’s a headache. And I thought these questions about “forgiveness” was about my past and someone I know, but it was more than that… I have been studying forgiveness for weeks. It’s one of those things that seem to rip you into little shredded pieces and chisel your soul… so hard. And you can’t do anything about it… so painful. Yet, so needed.
I thought I was somehow readying myself to be healed (more) through this forgiveness process. I so desperately want to fully heal from some rough stuff in my life, but it doesn’t work that way (I try though). I thought that healing may have been going to that person and having this meaningful (somewhat) conversation that I know in my head won’t turn out well… It’s great I thought that, but going through this season wasn’t about my forgiveness with so and so. It was about that person who sent a letter to me asking for my forgiveness…

“Brace yourself for a shock! Look long and hard. Something is about to take place. And you’re going to find it hard to believe.” ~Habakkuk 1:5 (MSG)
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{please continue reading by clicking here-- and be sure that you do…you don't want to miss the wisdom that she shares}  

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