On Hard Days...

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Words don't always flow from my head to my fingers and onto this blank canvas easily. I want to over-think the prose and edit myself before it spills out into a sloppy hot mess all spattered across the Internet. But tonight I just feel like not thinking about whether every word comes out just right. Tonight...I just want to cry.

Why are some momma-days hard? Why can't my 8-year-old have an all-the-time sunshine-y attitude?  Why does my daughter insist on bouncing on the edge of counter tops like she's trying to mount a balance beam? Why do I have an incessant need to feel approval? Even just a hug and a "You've got this, Momma! Just take a deep breath and love them anyway." from someone? 

The truth is that some days are exhausting. Some days I'm just worn out from correcting them and steering them in the right direction. Thankfully, I have an amazingly supportive and invested husband on my team. {Single parents, you have my heart and prayers tonight! You are super heroes in the flesh.}

Do you ever have a season where you know that you KNOW that things are changing? To the very depth of your spirit, you feel the tilt and wobble of something wedging you ever-so-slightly off-kilter. I feel that now. Like I'm being prepared to emerge from this safe cocoon I've hibernated within as the whole and complete woman that God has lovingly allowed me to morph into. But the wiggling out of that transformative place? It's uncomfortable. It kind of hurts. It begs for commitment and dedication. It's exhausting too.

Maybe that's just where I'm at tonight. Tired-- and ready for the metamorphosis to be perfect and complete. Both overwhelmed and invigorated by the idea that very soon it might just be time to fly.  

I doubt that the "hard" tonight was really because of my little ones. More likely, it was already brewing. They just sloshed the steaming pot over a bit. 
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way...
Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.
13-15Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, “God is trying to trip me up.” God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one’s way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.
16-18So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures." James 1: 2-4; 12-18 {The Message}
There you have it. I'm percolating on this. Even on hard days, good things are about to come.

4 comments:

  1. Love this post, Kirsten! I needed the reminder that "Even on hard days, good things are about to come." Praying for you!

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  2. Thank you so much, Brooke! Those prayers are honey to my heart right now. Hugs! :D

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  3. Thank you for sharing, Kirsten!! It touched my heart! Praying for the good things to come!! Hugs!

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  4. It's great to know that everyone has days where perfection is not achieved. Thanks for being real and vulnerable. Your heart is one of beauty and I love that you've brought it all back to where God is taking you, pointing out that might be more the background of your frustration than your littles. You have done well Mama, and you will continue to do well because you are grounded in the One who created you. Do not give up in doing good (Gal. 6:9) <3

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